the only rational act

Hydrangea at Stanley Park, Vancouver -- July 2006

Last Friday, I found myself with some time to spare, so I wandered into a local bookstore. At the time, I'd suddenly thought I'd look for books by Caribbean authors, since my knowledge of most of them is woefully lacking. However, one of the first books I noticed when I walked into the shop was Tuesdays with Morrie, the book I mentioned in my earlier post. While I'd vaguely heard of the book before, I didn't really know anything about it. For some inexplicable reason, I bought it (along with, incidentally, a few books by West Indian women. One day I'll let you know how those go).

I returned to my car, and realized I still had some 30 minutes before I needed to pick up Alex -- too short a time to return home, too long of a time to go directly to her school and wait. So I decided to start the engine of the car (and therefore the air conditioner), and begin reading the book right there in the parking lot.

For those who are unfamiliar with Tuesdays with Morrie, it's the true account by an acclaimed American sportswriter, Mitch Albom, who managed to reunite with one of this favourite university professors, Morrie Schwartz. At the time, Morrie was dying of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, commonly known as Lou Gehrig's disease. Once reunited with his professor, Albom began meeting him every Tuesday, at which time Morrie would give him advice and observations on how best to live one's life, obviously given from the perspective of a person who knows he's at the end of his. It's an incredibly fast read, and it pulls you in almost immediately.

I should tell you that as I sat in the car reading this book, I was in a pretty shaky frame of mind. I'd found out about the situation with Alex's gymnastics teacher only a couple of hours before, and my mind was still reeling trying to figure out how I should respond. As I read the book, I found myself becoming calmer by the distraction, and eventually, I happened upon the following words, attributed to Morrie:

"...a wise man named Levine said it right. He said, 'Love is the only rational act.'"
He repeated it carefully, pausing for effect. "'Love is the only rational act.'"

When I read this, I can't tell you how much better I felt, although I'm not entirely sure why. I do believe, however, that one sentence was the reason I found myself in the bookstore that day, and why I spontaneously purchased the book. It is also what I found myself thinking about as I spent the rest of the day wrestling with the situation at Alex's school. It is why, ultimately, I'm pleased with the outcome.

Anyway, aside from all of that, one of the things I've always told myself since becoming a parent is that the lessons I want to each Alex, above all else, is that she must always respect herself and respect other people. I've always believed that if I managed to teach her those two things, she'll turn out fine: if she respects herself, she'll continually exercise both her mind and her body, she'll take care of herself both emotionally and physcially, she'll avoid toxic people; further, if she respects other people, she'll hopefully rise above any bigotry, or racism or prejudice. But now, having read Morrie's statement, I find myself wondering if I should amend my focus -- perhaps what I should be concentrating on teaching her is to love herself, and love all others. I do believe, more than an emotion, love is a decision -- it is to decide to forgive, to respect, to care for. Admittedly, it's not always an easy one to make -- especially when, say, someone cuts you off on the road, or your partner fails to do the thing you keep. asking. him/her. to. do -- but that's the challenge, isn't it?

Love is the only rational act.

So I suppose that's probably enough rambling for now, but I'd love to hear your thoughts. What do you think is the most important life lesson to learn? How do you make sure you're learning it?

__________

Comments

[Stephanie]

This is a thinker...I read the book a few years back while pregnant with my second son. It sure generated a lot of emotions because my father was awaiting his second organ transplant but would not sacrifice his livelihood so he was also still working fulltime as if nothing was happening. Obviously the book was touching because I remember so much about who I was, where I was, and what I was doing while I read it.

I think you have summarized the most important lesson we have to learn, how to love one another, take away everything and the only that can make you whole is love, and the ability to love.

[MamaChristy]

Stephanie is right; you hit on the most important life-lesson already. To love people. We can get so caught up in work and responsibility, that we forget that nurturing the people we love is THE most important thing we can do. Jobs will come and go. Houses that are clean will get dirty again. But hurt a person and it take s much longer to heal and they will never be quite the same.

I try to be present in our lives and try very hard to not hurt those that I love (and even those that I don't). I don't always succeed and sometimes I have to tell people that the things they say or do hurt ME, but at least I'm trying to recognize when things should be corrected.

[cassie-b]

When I read that book about a year ago, I told my husband it's a book that everyone should read.

I was very impressed by the message(s) in that book.

Cas

[Bev]

"Tuesdays with Morrie" is one of my favorite books and I gave it to everyone for Christmas the year that I read it. So glad you discovered it.

[Ki]

I thought it was "Love everyone," for a long time. Then I amended it to, "Love them anyways."

Special thanks to Mother Teresa for her "Anyways" philosophy.

[poorlysorted]

A few of the hydrangeas are still blooming here in Vancouver and I love it! They are a most amazing flower. This past week, somebody at our church here talked about praying every day for God to give him love for everyone and everything around him, and that was all he was asking for. I loved that idea. The capacity for giving love is astounding, if you find a way to tap into it. What a beautiful thing to teach our children.

[Jennifer]

I loved that book too. Simple, sweet and wise. I read it when I was in college, in the bookstore, since I couldn't afford to buy it myself. Maybe now that I can, I will get myself a copy to reread when the moment calls for a reminder.

I am glad you are feeling better about the gymnastics situation, a very tricky situations to be in. The school has handled it so well. And so have you.

[Menita]

In the years of ART leading up to our daughter, I found myself questioning every single expectation I would have of an eventual child. And in the end, it came down to this, which is all I hope to pass on to Polly and Jack: be kind (bone-deep kind), and know how to make yourself happy.
That's it. If they have those two things, the rest will follow.

[Justine]

My parents had an arranged marriage. They met once. The second time they met was on their engagement party, and the third time was on their wedding.

I asked my mom how she knew it was the right decision or that my dad would be the right man for her. She said, "I decided to love him the first time I met him". I believe my dad also did the same thing for her.

53 years later, they are still together happily - and I am one of 5 children born into their world.

Yes, love is a decision.

[Emma]

I usually read your daily entries with great pleasure, but these past few days I didn't really.

I feel for the message of spreading love and respect, but I think people will only be allowed to act that way when they keep an open eye for people with other perspectives and views in this world.

I can't help but thinking about that teacher. What if he turns out to be innocent? Who will love this teacher, whether he's been doing wrong or not? You want Alex never to prejudice, which is exactly what you did in this incident (or was it?), and you're pleased about it. Of course Alex should be your number one priority always, but that doesn't mean other people can be overlooked without looking back.

And then one other (smaller, I promise) thing that's been bugging me these days: you're talking about the environment a lot, but in every other post you either catch a plane somewhere or you turn on the air conditioning by switching your car engine on.

In Europe you will be penalized when letting your engine run stationary while the car is parked, because the pollution in the direct environment is enormous and triggers asthma etc. It seems so irrational: why not read in the bookshop, or in the hallway at Alex' school?

And now I'm going to see if I can order a copy of this book you recommend so fiercely! I often wonder where you get your calmness, since I tend to get wound up so easily :-)

(I sincerely hope I didn't sound too harsh, which happens often when I write in French or English, which are not my day-to-day languages... Love your blog, your stories and your beautiful pictures very much!)

[Mom Nancy]

I've been trying to work up the nerve to read Tuesdays With Morrie - my sister was diagnosed with ALS last year.

I'm on the same page as you with the gym teacher situation. The bottom line is protecting Alex, who is too young to do so herself.

[Beth]

I've heard good things about that book but haven't read it yet--I'll definitely check it out now that I'm past an especially busy time work-wise.

[Cheryl Brogan]

Hi Karen,

I decided a very long time ago to play nice with the other kids while I'm here!
xo Cheryl

[MrsDoF]

When my nephew was a Senior in high school in eastern Ohio, their language teachers assigned the book _Tuesdays with Morrie_ to their class as a whole, to be read the summer before school started.
The rest of the year, no matter what they were studying, references and connections were made back to that one book.
At the Commencement ceremony, all of us in the audience were given a brief description of the situation, and some personal writings from the students.
It made quite an impact on the relatives, and we were discussing at the graduation party.
Neither my sister nor her son wanted to loan their copies, so I bought two, one for my mom and one for me. We all do quotes from it over the phone.

It paraphrases the Bible "Love thy neighbor as thyself" which are fine words to live by.

[Kay]

I loved that book. I have it as well as 5 people you meet in heaven which will make you wonder who will be your 5 people in heaven.

Love is the rational act. It is also the most irrational of all emotions. As for respect and love, I think it goes hand in hand. So you're doing real well. I hope I do the same for my lil boy.