love is a decision

Many years ago, I was sitting with a friend discussing her recent engagement. My friend and her boyfriend had been dating for some time, and even though it was clear they were meant for each other, their long courtship had been filled with break-ups and reunions. I remember looking at her pointedly:

"I want to ask you a question," I said. "First of all, I think it's great that you and Mike are getting married. But I was wondering: how do you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with him? How do you know you'll love him forever?"

Her answer surprised me: "Well," she smiled, "I know some people were surprised when we actually went ahead and got engaged, considering how rocky our relationship must seem. But the truth is, frankly, I don't think love is an emotion. Love is a decision. And I know I want to commit myself to deciding to love him every day, for the rest of my life. And he feels the same about me."

At the time, I'm sure my twenty-something-year-old self thought her answer was highly unromantic. But as I've gotten older, I've realized she's right: love isn't just that exhilarating rush you get when someone walks into the room. It's is also the decision to consciously love, even when the going gets a bit rough. It's the decision to do something nice for someone when they least expect it, and expect nothing in return.

Coming into the holiday season, I'm thankful that I remembered this conversation I had with my friend so long ago. I think, for this coming month, I'm going to make the decision to love someone every day -- try to do something unexpectedly kind for someone I love, whether it's a family member, or a friend, or a stranger or even a charity whose work I admire. If you're so inclined, I challenge you to do the same.

Happy Love Thursday, everyone. You know how it goes: feel free to leave the links to your expressions of love on each of your sites, or your images in the Love Thursday Flickr Pool. Also be sure to continue to check in at the Love is All Around site, for more love inspiration.

(Incidentally, this is officially my final post for NaBloPoMo -- I've posted every day this month. Predictably, I think it's time for me to take a little break, and spend some quality loving time with my family. You understand, of course?)

Have a wonderful day. May you decide to love, and may someone decide to love you today.

__________

Comments

[Waya]

That is so true "love is a decision". Speaking from 15 years or being together and 9 years of marriage to my college "fling".

Happy Love Thursday!

Here's mine:
http://www.beforebaby.com/waya/2006/11/29/love-of-broccolis/

[Pass the Torch]

Oh so true! What an excellent conversation. Love IS a decision.

My post is about my camera, though;)) Not quite as meaningful as your post!! But love nonetheless.

http://2passthetorch.com/2006/11/29/love-is-my-canon-digital-rebel-xt/

[owlhaven]

Here is mine.....

http://owlhaven.wordpress.com/2006/11/29/gifts-to-the-future/

Mary, mom to many

[Michelle]

I agree, love is about what you give and not about what you get and that's a decision we each have to make.

[Tug]

Again, I'm touched reading this & then seeing that beautiful picture. Amazing. I'm so very glad I found your blog - thank you yet again for the "up" that was much needed at this time.

[Amy]

I have had elementary school students in the past that I had to make an effort to love. And what a difference it made--one girl in particular was difficult to be around. But when I made the choice to show her love every day, eventually I didn't have to try and it made spending my days with her so much more enjoyable.

[MamaDuck]

That is so sweet. Happy Love Thursday!

http://lilduckduck.com/love-is-happily-playing-with-your-toy-cars/477

[shaz]

My love thursday post had the same theme, so I named it accordingly :)

http://adventures-in-motherhood.com/article/love-thursday-the-decision

[Colleen]

Thank you for this beautiful reminder, especially on a day when my toddler pushed me to my limits. Of course I love her, but remembering to *decide* to love her will certainly help me traverse this new and very rocky terrain.

[Lara]

Karen: I couldn't agree more. Love is absolutley a choice and one that we sometimes have to make again and again.

Happy Love Thursday - my post is on faith and friendship.

http://laragoesblogging.blogspot.com/2006/11/love-thursday_30.html

[gunky]

so sweet.
my husband and i have the same birthday, and it was this week. seems fitting . . .
http://gunky.typepad.com/gunky/2006/11/birthday.html

happy LT!

[Cakes]

Holy Buhjeezus! That was such a lovely post and the picture is breathtaking.

Here's mine...it's divine
http://sometimeswedo.blogspot.com/

[Briana]

http://dillyweed.blogspot.com

and here is the link to this weeks love thursday: http://dillyweed.blogspot.com/2006/11/love-bedtime-reading-thursday.html

[Irene]

shine, shine, shine.....

[The Non-Superwoman]

I'm a Love Thursday newbie! Here's my first post! It's amazing to watch someone love your child almost as much as you do. Happy Love Thursday: here's my contribution http://memoirsofamoorings.typepad.com/memoirs_of_a_moorings/2006/11/my_younger_sist.html

[Beth]

Beautiful post, beautiful photo, beautiful daughter. Thanks for sharing.

[Pastormac's Ann]

Once again you've given us an AMAZING picture of your truly beautiful daughter and a wonderful post about true love - the love you choose.

We have "desperate for snow love" at our house.
http://itsalwaysaproduction.blogspot.com/2006/11/love-thursday-13.html

[birchsprite]

you are a really lovely person. I love Love Thursdays!

[abeni]

I needed to hear that.Thanks

http://hairoun.blogspot.com/2006/11/love-is_30.html

sibling love

[jen]

What a wonderful story! It is true that once the hormonal rush fades, we have to decide to love that other person. My own love has been rocky of late--thanks for the reminder that it IS up to me.

My own submission--Love is having someone who is THERE:
http://thecraftyh.blogspot.com/

[Kay]

http://everydaykay.blogspot.com/2006/11/love-thursday-10.html

Mine's up. It's about the sweetest expression in the world.

[rachel]

I love the idea of making the decision to love. beautiful.

Today I'm talking about friendship love.
http://www.ourgaggleofgirls.com/agog/?p=2459

[meredith]

I agree that love is a decision.

I love this photo from last year's vacation.

http://poppyinprovence.blogspot.com/2006/11/love-those-toes.html

[kim]

You know, somehow I think that if you said "let's all eat brussel sprouts on Tuesday," I'd try it.

You remind me so often that being who I genuinely am is not an alone thing, in an alone place.

Peace to you and yours.

[Lucy]

Great advice. I have never heard love described as a decision before, but I think I definitely agree.

http://thefrons.blogspot.com/2006/11/love-of-lights.html